The other day I was asked by someone ‘So, hows life?’. I, like of people would just said the usual response of ‘Yeah, yeah it’s going well. I’ve got lots of homework though!’ or something like that. But it made me ask myself ‘So, Autumn, Hows life?’ And this is my response:
It’s getting better. After all the drama that happened in winter along with spring became a new beginning and I began to slowly repair the broken parts of my life, some with just some sellotape but the other, more important ones, with the strongest glue I could find. I then realized there was more to life than just living it. I noticed how I kind of drifted through life in a daze, not really making the most out of it. Therefore, I did try to make the most of it. Like I said in a previous post; I turned of social media and spent less time on my phone, worked hard at school, made an effort with my appearance and tried my very hardest to stay positive. I guess it worked for a while but I also noticed that I was sort of forcing it and I wasn’t being me. I forced myself to stand around and smile pretending nothing was wrong and to be honest I started to believe nothing was wrong. During that week of ‘positivity’ I realized I was still not really living life and although from the outside it seemed perfect under the mask was a little anxious 13 year old battling with weird fears no one understood. I’d keep all my feelings to myself and bottle them up until one day it clicked. No, I didn’t always need to be happy to ‘live’ life I could just be me and allow myself to have feelings but also not drift through life in a daze of sadness. Unfortunately I realized this the hard way by having some bad anxiety days where I kind of just sat in my room and pushed everything to the back of my mind and spent hours watching YouTube on bed. On the third day it got really bad, I was at school and still living life in a dazed kind of state and I was sitting in a music lesson about to perform and I thought I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t sing in front of everyone and play the guitar. I n the end it was a terrible performance and that is when I plummeted to the lowest i’d been and through out the music lesson I forced myself not to cry. That is when I wrote this post, once I had just been at my lowest and when I decided to just be me. I guess it’s working. I do feel more content with life… I have my bad days but I guess everyone does so that’s okay, like the quote says ‘I t’s okay to be a glow stick, sometimes we have to break to shine’.
I hope you have a great day and please be ‘you’ no matter how hard that may be just stay true to yourself and that is when you will be lets not day happy but content with life. Basically what I am saying is we all have good and bad days whether they are truely terrible or just a little mistake they always appear once in a while so just accept that and keep believing good days will come soon.
Lots of love,